All alone

It's been a long time.

It's been a long time since I made a friend,

Being alone made me realize I'm really alone now.

I don't have any friends.

And it sucks asses.

But I know that it is better this way.

I don't have to worry about anything but myself.

And I hate it.

I loved running away from my problems.

Helping everyone else.

Now I'm just lonely and sad.

I'm not anyone anymore.

Just a sad girl

A really sad girl

A really lucky sad girl

xoxo

to keep secret

It's that little spark in your tummy.
That moment when you look at someone and you realize.
This is going to get extremely dirty.


Last night I had that feeling.
I didn't expected it, didn't ask for it.
It just came. 
Like a snake in the night it took me over.


That moment you know he has a girlfriend.
You know you got a boyfriend.
But you still feel that little sneaky feeling.
A small spark, you hope it will never explode.
It can't explode. 
Cause if this bomb burst it's all over.


So I will ignore it for all time sake.
I will not think of you, won't see you.
Cause this isn't a real feeling.
This is a secret to keep. 

Frenemies

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer!

Things get way out of control lately.
Even though I didn't want to be part of the drama.
I again became in the middle of it.

3 parents
2 persons that should act like parents
1 friend of those persons
And a fucklode people that shouldn't be involved.

This is all just so confusing.
I have to lie and sneek around to see my friends.
This is totally insane!
Why can't they just act fucking normal!
Sometimes I just wanna scream to them.
Stop acting like a 4 year old, and go care for your kid!

Those worries are insane, my life is insane!
These worries arn't worries a 19 year old should have.
Unless your a mother.
But I'm not soooo!
Life please stop acting so fucking wierd!

My fault

How dare you saying this is my fault?
Like I wanted this?
Nobody wanted it this way, would be wierd it they wanted it.
But she can't just say it's all my fault.
Hello!
I'm the one who's in therapie for more than a year.
Mabey she has to realize she is the problem.
Instead of that she's just blaming me...

And than she get's mad cause I'm upset!
This all aint fair.
Why can't she just admit she's part of the problem.
No, that she is the problem!

I just wanna leave and never go back.
I don't want to live with her in one house anymore.
It's time to finally choose for myself.
I'm not getting any happier from this!

Let it go

The more I see the less I know
The more I like to let it go!

Nothing to lose, nothing to feel good of.
There are just days I want to die.
That I secretly hope I get hit by a bus.
Some days I just wish it was over.

He doesn't get it.
Ofcourse he doesn't get it.
Am I starting to get wierd again?
Mabey the thing should go out again.
I'm sceared that it won't be good for my relation.
But now I feel like hell!

Mabey I should just talk to him.
Mabey I should!

About talking and other stuff

Talking never was my thing, never will be.
He just doesn't get it.
I wish that he wouldn't push me this hard.
That he would just wait.

There are so much things I want to say.
But the words just won't come out.
The words can't find theire way from my head to my mouth.

And than that drama queen, he is back.
What the hell am I going to do?
Be nice? Or be mean?
He needs to know that I'm charge now!
I can make him loved or hated.

I wish I would feel better.
Cause at this moment, jumping from a building sounds pretty good.
I'm just sad all the time.
Life was too good to stay good, I guess.

Being

Being in a relationship, it stay's complecated.
We're fighting, keep on loving.
I'm just so happy he gets mad when he doesn't agree.
He doesn't agree with me on everything.

Not being a social queen anymore, it gives me the rest I needed so much.
Not having all those dramaqueens around.
My life finally seems to be my life.
I acctualy like my life at the moment.

I have a great boyfriend, mabey not as much friends as I had before but the friends I still have are real ones.

But all that couldn't keep my thoughts from wondering how your doing.
Are you all right?
How your doing after I broke your heard and teared your world apart?