woensdag 28 december 2011

Sadness

There is beauty in sadness.
No there isn't!

I'm dying of insecurety.
I don't know what he want's.
Constantly scared I'll do something wrong.
It's making me insane.

And while I try to get everything right with him.
The rest of my life is going soo wrong.

My parants hate me, and now christmas is over.
They don't even try to hide it.
My friend, well they are way to buzy doing fun things.

There is just no one I want to talk to.
I don't want them to feel shit.
I will just kill myself in my own missery.

And now I'm here, all alone.
Going to the shop to buy my next high.
I'm still rather a drug addict, than being sober
Realizing I'm nothing.

Got no friends, no place to go.

maandag 26 december 2011

Different

Everything is just so different.

When I look at him I can't believe he's mine.
But now I get to know him better.
I don't even want to play games with him.
He's been there done that.

Secretly he is insecure, adorable.
I just can't believe it.

It's just so easy, the familie part and stuff.
The emotional thing, that's the hardest.
He's dammaged just like me.

I think I might falling in love with him.
For real.

woensdag 21 december 2011

Flying

When his lips touch mine.
It's increadeble, our chemestry.

I'm still sceared, I just don't want to lie to him.
I like him, I might even fall in love with him.

What we have, it feels complete.
I know for me it does.
It's almost magical.

Being with him is like flying.
Everything can happen and whatever
Happens I will be save with him.

If it's true, mabey not.
Mabey I'm just an believer.
Guess I rather be lucky in the moment.
Than smart for the future.

dinsdag 20 december 2011

Screw it up

Did I screw up by not telling him?
Or am I gonna screw up telling him?
I've never been this insecure.
I've never been so ashamed to tell anyone.

Normaly I'm pretty open about my miserable
state of mind.
But with him I'm way to sceared.
Sceared that he will run away.
Sceared to lose him.

It's unfair, I don't want to feel ashamed.
I don't even want this to be still a part of my life.
But it is, it just is.
It's been 2,5 years ago.
And it played a roll every day since.

I just don't trust

maandag 19 december 2011

Lovedrunk

Sometimes I wonder why I live.
It's not like life makes any scence.

Last friday this guy said I was his girlfriend.
But he was drunk, and now I just don't know.
Am I his girlfriend now?

He still doesn't know anything about me.
And I don't dare to tell him.
Cause I'm sceared when he knows.
When he gets to know the real me.
He is going to run away.

Because than he will realize, that I'm crazy.
And that it's impossible to have a relation with me.

And is it worth it, I leave in 2 months

It's a dillema

donderdag 15 december 2011

Losing it

Thinking about africa made me realize some things.
I have nothing here to stay for.
There no one to stay for.
I got nothing to lose.

Today I hit rock bottom.
When she said: I just don't want you to be in
Africa and think 'now I'm here cause no one
wants me at home'.
And when she said it, I didn't realize.
Now I do, and it hurts.

It hurts, realizing no one cares.
Nobody wants me here.
I'm a meaningless person.
And I wonder, why do I even live?
Why the hell am I still alive?
Wouldn't it be better if I was death?

Wouldn't that be better for everyone?

So the options are dying or africa.
Guess I'm going to africa.

dinsdag 13 december 2011

Impression

Mabey my first impression was wrong.
He's really cute.
Sceared to get hurt.
He takes it easy.

He's just so different.
So cute when he looks at me.
When he says he's crazy about me.
There is just no way, I just have to admit it.
I like him.

Somewhere along the road I just fell in love with him.
We are just both way to sceared to admit it.
Way to sceared to get hurt again.
It doesn't make things easier between us.

But I guess time will make it happen.

vrijdag 9 december 2011

I'm chuck bass.

I had sex in the back of a limo.
I had sex with her on a party while I was your date.
I'm chuck bass.

One of my favorite conversations from gossip girl.

When one of my friends told me we weren't living
in gossip girl.
I told her she was right.
Now I think she might be wrong.

Look at us, our group.
Sometimes I think I'm insane.
What if I'm a chuck bass.
An egoistic, mean an dammaged person.
What if I destroy everything and everyon around me?

I just want to fix things!
But I can't.

So I'm gonna do where I'm the best at, RUN!

I'm chuck bass.

I had sex in the back of a limo.
I had sex with her on a party while I was your date.
I'm chuck bass.

One of my favorite conversations from gossip girl.

When one of my friends told me we weren't living
in gossip girl.
I told her she was right.
Now I think she might be wrong.

Look at us, our group.
Sometimes I think I'm insane.
What if I'm a chuck bass.
An egoistic, mean an dammaged person.
What if I destroy everything and everyon around me?

I just want to fix things!
But I can't.

So I'm gonna do where I'm the best at, RUN!

woensdag 7 december 2011

Africa

There is a change I'll go to Africa.
In less tham two months.

My parants are oke with it.
My best friend hates it.
I think I should do this!

It is an oppertunity  I can't just pass on.
Helping people by doing what I do best.
Design clothes.

And ofcourse I'm sceared, but I think this
might be a change to challenge myself.

No internet
No normal food
No shower
And lot's of insects

But I'm brave, I can do this.

dinsdag 6 december 2011

Disapire

It's getting insane, just insane!

This is psycological warfare!

I'm in love, and I think he loves me back.
But I'm soooo sceared.
How the hell can I trust?
I don't even trust myself.
How can I trust him.

I'm just tired of explaining.
But I have to tell him.
I wish it wasn't so hard.

Even the person who I trusted the most.
Again, the only thing he does is trying to break me.
It just hurts so bad.
Another bad experince.

How can I keep trust in man again?

Addiction

It's the first thing in the morning.
You know you shouldn't.
But you want it sooo badly.

It's just so hard to go to school.
Cause you don't want to go to school.
Because school means not getting high.

So in the morning you just start searching
for a time to get high.
It's all about money and time.
Money to buy the drugs, time to buy them.
Time to use them.

And still trying to not screw up life, because of
the using.
It's a dillema every day, a fight.
Will I choose drugs over school today?
Or will I be brave?

donderdag 1 december 2011

No way back

It's that feeling in my body
That smile on my face

It's hopeless, just hopeless.
My friends think, yeah she's back.

I told her, and she didn't react that bad.

He just makes me laugh, he saves my days.
He spinns me around, he makes me crazier.
I like myself when I'm with him.
I like him when I'm with him.

I hate hate hate to admid it, bud ah
I hate to say, I told you so!
I HATE to say, I TOLD you so!