woensdag 30 november 2011

What the hell

Where the hell did I get myself into!

Omg what the hell does this boy want from me?
I just don't get him.
I'm sceard!
What the hell does he expect?

I'm afraid I might get hurt
That he's not intrested
He's keeping something.
There is something, just something!

Ooooh I hate these moments
Cause I'm not in control.
It makes me nervous.
Really really nervous and confused.

Need to sleep a night about it.

dinsdag 29 november 2011


What if he is falling in love with me?
What if I just think he is?
What is this is all a game?

On one side I wanna believe in it.
Bud what if this isn't ment to be a happy ending?
What if I end up heartbroken?
Because I was so stupid to fall in love.

Yesterday I realized, I'm not doing anything wrong.
I'm single for more than a month.
Why shouldn't I take a shot?

And if I end up heartbroken.
Next time better, right?

zondag 27 november 2011


I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you
And I don't wanna talk about it

The next line of that song is:
Cause I'm in love with you.
Bud I don't feel like saying that I love him.

There is something I just don't get about him.
It's like he's sceared.
Like he doesn't know what to do.
Or how he feels.
I guess we both have to find a way to deal with this.
Whatever this is.

I want to tell someone!
Because secretly I'm exited.
Bud is there someone I know that won't judge?

Do it

Dream it, wish it, do it!

Now I called the shots, I better make this worth it.
Cause when they find out, I don't know what their gonna do.
Bud I can tell you, I'm scared as HELL!!

Although I'm scared, I can't tell I'm sorry in any way.
I'm just not.
I'm not sorry I came home at 6 in the morning.
I'm not sorry I did what everyone didn't want me to do.
And I'm also not sorry that I had an amazing time.

I don't really know what to do?
One side says: It was ones, just don't do it again
Other side: Your already fucked, just make the best of it.

I can't help it, bud there is a part of me that just wants him.
A part that doesn't care what everyone says. 
And in what kind of shit this is gonna get me into. 

Did I somewhere one the road of denial, fell in love with him?

zaterdag 26 november 2011


What I did, it feels weird.
I'm so happy, it's almost impossible.
Haven't been this happy in a long time.

I'm also confused, what does this means?
Are my feelings going to mess with me?
I think I felt it, I'm not sure what it means.

It's exiting, it makes me feel alive.
I know it is wrong, bud it felt so good.
When I was the one who said falling in love
with him was THE stuppidest thing to do.

I know I said that, I know I did.
Bud tonight was facking awesome!
No one can steal this experience from me!

dinsdag 22 november 2011


There will always be things you forget.
Lessons you learned, people you met.
Sometimes you make the same mistake over
and over again. 
But what if you what to change that?
What if your finally willing to learn from your mistakes?
Will they let you?
Or will they just judge you and walk away?

I'm trying to find answers.
The answer is not me and it's not boys.
But what would it be than?
It's not like my 'friends' care.
Their way to buzzy living their own happy lives.

So now I'm going out, on my own.
All alone....blgh

zaterdag 19 november 2011


It a smack in your face, when you realize
that there is no one for you.

I'm always there for everyone.
Nobody's there for me.

Finding the real me, and exposing it to the world.
I realized that my whole world is fake.

And those people, what do the expect?
Can't they just tell me?

woensdag 16 november 2011


Some people just deserve eatchother.
Theire so sad, they just deserve a misserable
life with eatchother.

Stupid to think no one would talk.
Everyone talks.
Everyone lies.

Yes I started this, and yes it was a game.
But thats different now.
I'm just not interested in him.
He's just hilarious, he makes me laugh.
Is that a wrong thing?
I just don't want to give that up.
Just friend, nothing more.

Nothing more!

maandag 14 november 2011


I rather be hated than be nobody.

At this moment life is sceared.
And it just doesn't make scence.
Some moments I want to die, not
because I want death.
Just because I can't find a reason to live.

Life slammed me in the face.

I don't want to be nice.
I hate this world way to much to be nice.
For so far cheapter, the real me.

zondag 13 november 2011

Fake or real

For a long time I forgot what being real felt like.
Now I know.

I rather be fake than hurt.

So bye bye real me.
I got nothing on you.

Being fake is a way of protection.
And I need that.
The real me is just too weak.

zaterdag 12 november 2011

My lose

Mabey I lost, mabey I did.
But I don't really care.

Tonight I tried to be really me.
The real me.
And yes I was sceared.
It sceared the hell out of me.

But it felt good.
Mabey this is the new start.
I've been waiting for so long.

This is real, this is me.


I'm miss nobody.
And at the moment I like it.
I'm at a b'day party.
The people around me talk about babies and
Buying houses and other grown up stuff.

I'm that girl playing with her phone.
The girl everyone has seen, but nobody knows.
It keeps life easy.
I like easy life!

woensdag 9 november 2011


So now I'm out here all alone
And it just sucks

Got the idea that my friends are gonne drop me.
I'm just so sceared.
I'm soooooo sceared.
Angry with the world.
Lonely in my heart.

Because no one understands.
I will never fit in, the way you want me to.
That's just not me.
Sometimes I wish it was me.
Life would be so much easier.

That's the price you pay for tallent.

zondag 6 november 2011


Like you got alpha male, you got alpha woman.
I'm an alpah.
I'm that girl.
Who looks 20 times better in your dress.

Mabey that's why you hate me.
Because you know that I will do whatever
it takes to get what I want.
It's just a game, darling.

You don't even scare me anymore.
Your a laugh.

I just always get what I want.
And I'm not always happy with that.

I deserve some sleep.

donderdag 3 november 2011


How dare you judge me like I never changed.

He called me last night.
Telling me I got back to my old ways.
How can you misjudge me like that?

Has the last year ment nothing?
Once a slut always a slut?

Yes I'm struggeling against it.
I fight to that part of me.
But how can I fight, when I'm already judged.

It makes me faithless.
Why should I not let go?

woensdag 2 november 2011

Lost in time

At this moment I just don't want anything.
Just hanging out with my friend.
Hanging in our favorite bar.

I'm not ready for the big party's.
Only if it's because I know myself.
I will get drunk.
Get out of line.
I just don't want to deal with that.

This morning mr. Badboy was telling me
he got fat.
I don't give a damn, jus don't!

dinsdag 1 november 2011


You just don't make any sence.

Life still likes to mess with me.
I found myself in a battle with time.
Time won.

Today I'm weirdly dressed with a touch of dior.
No your not taller, I'm not smaller.
I just don't wear high heels today.

Today is just going to suck.
So I would say wish me luck.
But luck is not gonna save my ass today.
I just gonna have to work hard, and hope
everything will be alright!