woensdag 28 december 2011


There is beauty in sadness.
No there isn't!

I'm dying of insecurety.
I don't know what he want's.
Constantly scared I'll do something wrong.
It's making me insane.

And while I try to get everything right with him.
The rest of my life is going soo wrong.

My parants hate me, and now christmas is over.
They don't even try to hide it.
My friend, well they are way to buzy doing fun things.

There is just no one I want to talk to.
I don't want them to feel shit.
I will just kill myself in my own missery.

And now I'm here, all alone.
Going to the shop to buy my next high.
I'm still rather a drug addict, than being sober
Realizing I'm nothing.

Got no friends, no place to go.

maandag 26 december 2011


Everything is just so different.

When I look at him I can't believe he's mine.
But now I get to know him better.
I don't even want to play games with him.
He's been there done that.

Secretly he is insecure, adorable.
I just can't believe it.

It's just so easy, the familie part and stuff.
The emotional thing, that's the hardest.
He's dammaged just like me.

I think I might falling in love with him.
For real.

woensdag 21 december 2011


When his lips touch mine.
It's increadeble, our chemestry.

I'm still sceared, I just don't want to lie to him.
I like him, I might even fall in love with him.

What we have, it feels complete.
I know for me it does.
It's almost magical.

Being with him is like flying.
Everything can happen and whatever
Happens I will be save with him.

If it's true, mabey not.
Mabey I'm just an believer.
Guess I rather be lucky in the moment.
Than smart for the future.

dinsdag 20 december 2011

Screw it up

Did I screw up by not telling him?
Or am I gonna screw up telling him?
I've never been this insecure.
I've never been so ashamed to tell anyone.

Normaly I'm pretty open about my miserable
state of mind.
But with him I'm way to sceared.
Sceared that he will run away.
Sceared to lose him.

It's unfair, I don't want to feel ashamed.
I don't even want this to be still a part of my life.
But it is, it just is.
It's been 2,5 years ago.
And it played a roll every day since.

I just don't trust

maandag 19 december 2011


Sometimes I wonder why I live.
It's not like life makes any scence.

Last friday this guy said I was his girlfriend.
But he was drunk, and now I just don't know.
Am I his girlfriend now?

He still doesn't know anything about me.
And I don't dare to tell him.
Cause I'm sceared when he knows.
When he gets to know the real me.
He is going to run away.

Because than he will realize, that I'm crazy.
And that it's impossible to have a relation with me.

And is it worth it, I leave in 2 months

It's a dillema

donderdag 15 december 2011

Losing it

Thinking about africa made me realize some things.
I have nothing here to stay for.
There no one to stay for.
I got nothing to lose.

Today I hit rock bottom.
When she said: I just don't want you to be in
Africa and think 'now I'm here cause no one
wants me at home'.
And when she said it, I didn't realize.
Now I do, and it hurts.

It hurts, realizing no one cares.
Nobody wants me here.
I'm a meaningless person.
And I wonder, why do I even live?
Why the hell am I still alive?
Wouldn't it be better if I was death?

Wouldn't that be better for everyone?

So the options are dying or africa.
Guess I'm going to africa.

dinsdag 13 december 2011


Mabey my first impression was wrong.
He's really cute.
Sceared to get hurt.
He takes it easy.

He's just so different.
So cute when he looks at me.
When he says he's crazy about me.
There is just no way, I just have to admit it.
I like him.

Somewhere along the road I just fell in love with him.
We are just both way to sceared to admit it.
Way to sceared to get hurt again.
It doesn't make things easier between us.

But I guess time will make it happen.

vrijdag 9 december 2011

I'm chuck bass.

I had sex in the back of a limo.
I had sex with her on a party while I was your date.
I'm chuck bass.

One of my favorite conversations from gossip girl.

When one of my friends told me we weren't living
in gossip girl.
I told her she was right.
Now I think she might be wrong.

Look at us, our group.
Sometimes I think I'm insane.
What if I'm a chuck bass.
An egoistic, mean an dammaged person.
What if I destroy everything and everyon around me?

I just want to fix things!
But I can't.

So I'm gonna do where I'm the best at, RUN!

I'm chuck bass.

I had sex in the back of a limo.
I had sex with her on a party while I was your date.
I'm chuck bass.

One of my favorite conversations from gossip girl.

When one of my friends told me we weren't living
in gossip girl.
I told her she was right.
Now I think she might be wrong.

Look at us, our group.
Sometimes I think I'm insane.
What if I'm a chuck bass.
An egoistic, mean an dammaged person.
What if I destroy everything and everyon around me?

I just want to fix things!
But I can't.

So I'm gonna do where I'm the best at, RUN!

woensdag 7 december 2011


There is a change I'll go to Africa.
In less tham two months.

My parants are oke with it.
My best friend hates it.
I think I should do this!

It is an oppertunity  I can't just pass on.
Helping people by doing what I do best.
Design clothes.

And ofcourse I'm sceared, but I think this
might be a change to challenge myself.

No internet
No normal food
No shower
And lot's of insects

But I'm brave, I can do this.

dinsdag 6 december 2011


It's getting insane, just insane!

This is psycological warfare!

I'm in love, and I think he loves me back.
But I'm soooo sceared.
How the hell can I trust?
I don't even trust myself.
How can I trust him.

I'm just tired of explaining.
But I have to tell him.
I wish it wasn't so hard.

Even the person who I trusted the most.
Again, the only thing he does is trying to break me.
It just hurts so bad.
Another bad experince.

How can I keep trust in man again?


It's the first thing in the morning.
You know you shouldn't.
But you want it sooo badly.

It's just so hard to go to school.
Cause you don't want to go to school.
Because school means not getting high.

So in the morning you just start searching
for a time to get high.
It's all about money and time.
Money to buy the drugs, time to buy them.
Time to use them.

And still trying to not screw up life, because of
the using.
It's a dillema every day, a fight.
Will I choose drugs over school today?
Or will I be brave?

donderdag 1 december 2011

No way back

It's that feeling in my body
That smile on my face

It's hopeless, just hopeless.
My friends think, yeah she's back.

I told her, and she didn't react that bad.

He just makes me laugh, he saves my days.
He spinns me around, he makes me crazier.
I like myself when I'm with him.
I like him when I'm with him.

I hate hate hate to admid it, bud ah
I hate to say, I told you so!
I HATE to say, I TOLD you so!

woensdag 30 november 2011

What the hell

Where the hell did I get myself into!

Omg what the hell does this boy want from me?
I just don't get him.
I'm sceard!
What the hell does he expect?

I'm afraid I might get hurt
That he's not intrested
He's keeping something.
There is something, just something!

Ooooh I hate these moments
Cause I'm not in control.
It makes me nervous.
Really really nervous and confused.

Need to sleep a night about it.

dinsdag 29 november 2011


What if he is falling in love with me?
What if I just think he is?
What is this is all a game?

On one side I wanna believe in it.
Bud what if this isn't ment to be a happy ending?
What if I end up heartbroken?
Because I was so stupid to fall in love.

Yesterday I realized, I'm not doing anything wrong.
I'm single for more than a month.
Why shouldn't I take a shot?

And if I end up heartbroken.
Next time better, right?

zondag 27 november 2011


I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you
And I don't wanna talk about it

The next line of that song is:
Cause I'm in love with you.
Bud I don't feel like saying that I love him.

There is something I just don't get about him.
It's like he's sceared.
Like he doesn't know what to do.
Or how he feels.
I guess we both have to find a way to deal with this.
Whatever this is.

I want to tell someone!
Because secretly I'm exited.
Bud is there someone I know that won't judge?

Do it

Dream it, wish it, do it!

Now I called the shots, I better make this worth it.
Cause when they find out, I don't know what their gonna do.
Bud I can tell you, I'm scared as HELL!!

Although I'm scared, I can't tell I'm sorry in any way.
I'm just not.
I'm not sorry I came home at 6 in the morning.
I'm not sorry I did what everyone didn't want me to do.
And I'm also not sorry that I had an amazing time.

I don't really know what to do?
One side says: It was ones, just don't do it again
Other side: Your already fucked, just make the best of it.

I can't help it, bud there is a part of me that just wants him.
A part that doesn't care what everyone says. 
And in what kind of shit this is gonna get me into. 

Did I somewhere one the road of denial, fell in love with him?

zaterdag 26 november 2011


What I did, it feels weird.
I'm so happy, it's almost impossible.
Haven't been this happy in a long time.

I'm also confused, what does this means?
Are my feelings going to mess with me?
I think I felt it, I'm not sure what it means.

It's exiting, it makes me feel alive.
I know it is wrong, bud it felt so good.
When I was the one who said falling in love
with him was THE stuppidest thing to do.

I know I said that, I know I did.
Bud tonight was facking awesome!
No one can steal this experience from me!

dinsdag 22 november 2011


There will always be things you forget.
Lessons you learned, people you met.
Sometimes you make the same mistake over
and over again. 
But what if you what to change that?
What if your finally willing to learn from your mistakes?
Will they let you?
Or will they just judge you and walk away?

I'm trying to find answers.
The answer is not me and it's not boys.
But what would it be than?
It's not like my 'friends' care.
Their way to buzzy living their own happy lives.

So now I'm going out, on my own.
All alone....blgh

zaterdag 19 november 2011


It a smack in your face, when you realize
that there is no one for you.

I'm always there for everyone.
Nobody's there for me.

Finding the real me, and exposing it to the world.
I realized that my whole world is fake.

And those people, what do the expect?
Can't they just tell me?

woensdag 16 november 2011


Some people just deserve eatchother.
Theire so sad, they just deserve a misserable
life with eatchother.

Stupid to think no one would talk.
Everyone talks.
Everyone lies.

Yes I started this, and yes it was a game.
But thats different now.
I'm just not interested in him.
He's just hilarious, he makes me laugh.
Is that a wrong thing?
I just don't want to give that up.
Just friend, nothing more.

Nothing more!

maandag 14 november 2011


I rather be hated than be nobody.

At this moment life is sceared.
And it just doesn't make scence.
Some moments I want to die, not
because I want death.
Just because I can't find a reason to live.

Life slammed me in the face.

I don't want to be nice.
I hate this world way to much to be nice.
For so far cheapter, the real me.

zondag 13 november 2011

Fake or real

For a long time I forgot what being real felt like.
Now I know.

I rather be fake than hurt.

So bye bye real me.
I got nothing on you.

Being fake is a way of protection.
And I need that.
The real me is just too weak.

zaterdag 12 november 2011

My lose

Mabey I lost, mabey I did.
But I don't really care.

Tonight I tried to be really me.
The real me.
And yes I was sceared.
It sceared the hell out of me.

But it felt good.
Mabey this is the new start.
I've been waiting for so long.

This is real, this is me.


I'm miss nobody.
And at the moment I like it.
I'm at a b'day party.
The people around me talk about babies and
Buying houses and other grown up stuff.

I'm that girl playing with her phone.
The girl everyone has seen, but nobody knows.
It keeps life easy.
I like easy life!

woensdag 9 november 2011


So now I'm out here all alone
And it just sucks

Got the idea that my friends are gonne drop me.
I'm just so sceared.
I'm soooooo sceared.
Angry with the world.
Lonely in my heart.

Because no one understands.
I will never fit in, the way you want me to.
That's just not me.
Sometimes I wish it was me.
Life would be so much easier.

That's the price you pay for tallent.

zondag 6 november 2011


Like you got alpha male, you got alpha woman.
I'm an alpah.
I'm that girl.
Who looks 20 times better in your dress.

Mabey that's why you hate me.
Because you know that I will do whatever
it takes to get what I want.
It's just a game, darling.

You don't even scare me anymore.
Your a laugh.

I just always get what I want.
And I'm not always happy with that.

I deserve some sleep.

donderdag 3 november 2011


How dare you judge me like I never changed.

He called me last night.
Telling me I got back to my old ways.
How can you misjudge me like that?

Has the last year ment nothing?
Once a slut always a slut?

Yes I'm struggeling against it.
I fight to that part of me.
But how can I fight, when I'm already judged.

It makes me faithless.
Why should I not let go?

woensdag 2 november 2011

Lost in time

At this moment I just don't want anything.
Just hanging out with my friend.
Hanging in our favorite bar.

I'm not ready for the big party's.
Only if it's because I know myself.
I will get drunk.
Get out of line.
I just don't want to deal with that.

This morning mr. Badboy was telling me
he got fat.
I don't give a damn, jus don't!

dinsdag 1 november 2011


You just don't make any sence.

Life still likes to mess with me.
I found myself in a battle with time.
Time won.

Today I'm weirdly dressed with a touch of dior.
No your not taller, I'm not smaller.
I just don't wear high heels today.

Today is just going to suck.
So I would say wish me luck.
But luck is not gonna save my ass today.
I just gonna have to work hard, and hope
everything will be alright!

maandag 31 oktober 2011


He still thinks I'm confused.
Your just confuded like last year.
He just doesn't get it!
He thinks we will be alright, we won't.

I wish it felt like before.
When we were still happy together.
Happy like in the good old days.
But that's over now.

School, friends, party and no boys!
I just won't allow myself!
No dates, kissers, flirts or one night stands.
I'm better than that!
It's me time now!

zondag 30 oktober 2011


Last night I had a dream.
And yes it was about you!

What is it with this man?
I can't figure him out. 
And that only makes him more interesting.
He's mysterious and adventure. 
He's fun and admire ring weird.

So why does my dream destroy everything?
Because, this dream was too perfect.
Now I don't wanted to kiss him, because it 
just will suck...
Because it won't be as perfect as in my dream.

I just wanna scream
I don't know where to find it anymore...

zaterdag 29 oktober 2011

Walk away

Call me in the middle of the day,
Just to saaaaaaay baby I love you.


This is not the place I wanted to be.

He said: come back
They say: do your thing
Me said: keep it low profile
I said: go for it girl

I just can't find out whyyyyy?
This place, it isn't fun.
Being single, it's an relieve
Being single means a lot attention
Being single
I'm not gonna change!

donderdag 27 oktober 2011


It's over, we broke up.
I don't know how to feel.
Relieved is the best word to discribe.
I think.

My hole world is going to change.
But I'm not sceared.
Well mabey a little, for myself.

I guess time is gonna tell.

I'm just gonna stay low profile.
I'm miss nobody.
Ofcourse with style and elegance.

woensdag 26 oktober 2011


Being pretty sucks!
When I was still ugly I thought being
pretty would solve all my problems.
It didn't!

Now I'm stuck in a routine of hair and make-up.
Because without them I'm insecure.
It's not that the world has expectations, it's you.
I can't go on the street without it, I just can't.

Pretty things are sometimes not as pretty as
you think you are.
Sometimes there way ugly.

Like me, pretty on the outside, dying on the inside.

dinsdag 25 oktober 2011


Why does it hurts so mutch?
I just can't understand.

I need some advice.
Some really really goood advice.
Cause I can't take this anymore.

I don't mean it anymore when I say:
I love you, I miss you...
It just sucks!

If there's a god, please give me a sign.


If you have sex with someone.
And your not thinking about the person your
having sex with. There is something wrong.

It's broken
I tried I really did.
But I can't fix this anymore.

First I was scared to admit, now I'm scared
what to do now.
The true can free us but also scare us away.

I just don't know.

zaterdag 22 oktober 2011


So were here on a boat.
With my whole family.

Yes this is the worst  day of a shitt week.
Family dinner at the boat.

But one thing is true this can be fun.
This girl tells me that she didn't wanted him.
The guy is despered, she's his badgirl.
This is genius!
This is turning way better out than I expected.

She doesn't want him, omg why am I still
talking to him.
No that's mean, I like him because he's funny.
Because he's cute and nice.
Because he's misterieus, and adventure.

vrijdag 21 oktober 2011


I'm so annoyed!
I don't wanna eat
I don't wanna drink
I don't want to talk
I don't want a fucking hug
I just wanna lay in bed and cry.

Why are all those people so stupid?
They just don't know anything about the world.
And if they know anything they act like theire
stupid so they will fit in.

At moments like this, I HATE LIFE!

Why the fuck wasn't I born in londen or
New york, I would even be happier in Antwerpen.
I wanna shoot the boy's behind me.
They annoy me like hell!

donderdag 20 oktober 2011


About that, don't think I'm the one.

The fackt that I'm still feeling desperate.
It kills me.
Can't we just go on like than.
The good old times between us.

I just miss the good life.
I wanna wake up in londen the city near picadilly.
I want to be the one who sings the song.

Life oh life, fuck me please!

woensdag 19 oktober 2011


It feels like I'm falling.

So today I discoverd my best friend can't have
sex with his girlfriend, because he only fantasise
about me!
What the hell!

This isn't going to get any easier is it?

Tomorrow I'm going to the docter, cause my
shoulder hurts like hell. And I can barely breath.
I'm also tired all the time.
Mabey it's because I weight like 48 kilo.

A friendship between a boy and a girl can never
be pure.

dinsdag 18 oktober 2011


I'm listening silly love songs.
While I'm trying to find a way to deal
with those messed up feelings of mine.

That it hurts, does that means I got feelings for you?
Or am I just hurt becauce I lost you to her?
That's the question.

Life makes no sence at the moment.

zondag 16 oktober 2011


Somewhere between love and hate.
I have to admit that I still think about you.

New years day, 2010.
That's when it all started.
And somewhere that month a year later.
It stoped!

I loved you from the first second.
From the moment our lips touched.
You never loved me, not even for a second.
Not even when we had sex.

I wrote songs you never heard.
I would have done everything for you.
But I didn't mean anything to you.
And that still hurts.

Even if I don't want it to.


If you hit me, hit me hard.

I hate it when I realise, I've been lying
to myself again.
On one way or another you got under
my skin. Making me realize...

Well just to be honest.
I just hate it when things don't go the
way I want them to go.

And I knew it would end up this way.
And the only one who got hurt is me.
And in a way thats fair.
I deserved a smack in my face.

Welcome back to earth, bitch!

zaterdag 15 oktober 2011


I had to lose, now it's really over.

I don't know if I have to be sad?
Or happy that it's over?

Sorry I'm drunk.
But I'm honest, hihi.

I lost, with respect and class.
Now I can say, I'm not in love.

vrijdag 14 oktober 2011


Death doesn't sound like a bad option at the moment.

I'm spinning and it won't stop.
I wanna run, but don't feel like it.
Why does it have to be so hard?

All these stupid man, they are messing up my life.
I'm confused, don't know what to expect.
What the hell do they expect?

That I love them?
That I hate them?
That they are the only one?
What the hell happend to simple life?

What the hell?

woensdag 12 oktober 2011


It's like he doesn't care:
How I smell
If I wear make up
How my hair looks
What kind of clothes I wear
Who I like
What I do
Who I don't like

I'm on the point I might have to question.
Does the guy even like me at all.
I can't get to understand him.
It's annoying! It sucks.
Cause I still wonder...

What the hell does the guy want from me?
What the hell am I expecting from him?

This does sooo not makes life any easier.


Why does it have to be so hard.
Like life wasn't already fucked enough.

He told me he loves me.
And no he is not even the one I expected
it to say it.
He's my best friend.

So he loves me and I fancy the brother of
his girlfriend.
You might understand that this complicated.

How do I need to trust anyone at the moment?
I feel so alone and hunted.
It's like running only makes things worse!

zondag 9 oktober 2011


Right now, I want to die.

Had a fight with my boyfriend.
Eat noting.
Just feeling crap.

And why?
Is it because of the new boy?
Or am I just crappy?
Time will show, and if it won't.
I'm probbebly death.


zaterdag 8 oktober 2011


Sometimes I wish life was easier.
That I could be a broadway star
That I was loved
I wish i wish i wish

Life was easyer without you
But also way less fun
Now I wish you were here
And it worry's me

I don't want to cross the line
I don't wanna fall for you

Wish it was easier!

vrijdag 7 oktober 2011


Being thin is a sin.
So I'm not a saint, I'm a sinner.
And everything is cool as long as I'm getting thinner!

donderdag 6 oktober 2011


This aint a fight, this isn't anything!

Why would I give up on something I
get happy from.
The one person who makes me smile
nomatter what.
We're from the non jugemental club.

woensdag 5 oktober 2011


I love trains because:
They have aircondicening
They ride fast
They are way more clean than the bus
They don't stop every 2 minutes
They drive strait

I just like traveling by train!

At this moment I'm going to breda.
My favorite city in shitty holland.
It has like 6 coffeeshops and a lovely
Park where I like to hang out.

I miss the summer!


How the fuck am I going to fix this?
2 boys and only 24 hours in a day!

One is my all sucky boyfriend, the
other just a boy I like to hang out

If this is all wrong, just give me a sign.
Please universe, give me a sign!

Mmm not like I ever cared what anyone
ever thought.
Some say that's a good thing, I think it's missery.

It's not even 8.30 and I'm already annoyed!

dinsdag 4 oktober 2011


Did you ever felt so creative
You would explode if you didn't do something with it?

I feel like crying!
I got so much idea's and I can't do anything with it!
It's so frustrating!

I feel so happy and every day school bores me so
much, I come home feeling like dying!
It's so unfair, it's demotivating me!

maandag 3 oktober 2011


Some may call it stupid
Some may call it an adventure
Some may call it dangerous

I'm not an person you scare easily
Bud if she's involved, I'm out!

She is the most scary, wierd and
Most uncomfortable girl to be around.
If she wants him, she can get him.
I won't fight her in any way.

She always makes me nervous with
Those scary eyebrows.
I swear never ever have seen that
Kind of eyebrows!

So I guess the game is over.
Bye bye boy

woensdag 28 september 2011


When I think about what he said, I know it's true.
And I realize, I'm not ready to give up.
I love the party life!
I'm young, I wanna live.

I don't wanna stop living for the weekend.
Than there is no reason at all to live!

dinsdag 27 september 2011


He can't fall in love with me.
My friends hate that guy!

But when I talked to him, he was just nice.
He was fun.
Time for a twisted friendship.

Let's just hope this won't turn out like,
It always does.

In the end I'm always the one in pain.

maandag 26 september 2011

The other boy

It's just a thing I do.
I like the game, playing it.
Lying and minipulate a boy for my own fun.

What? Be happy I don't do it to my friends.
You just can't keep a bad girl down!

And I really try to behave, but when a man
Like that comes around. I just want to bring him down!

Dare to discover, dare to be who I want you to be.
This is my game, and you. You will regret it!!

dinsdag 20 september 2011

Love last

Sometimes I just start crying.
Most of the times it's at home.
There is just so mutch negative energy here.


TThings go totally crazy in my head.
I can't be sceared, but I am sceared as hell!

And there is only one person I want to talk to.
And he's broken, my hero is the one who needs
To be saved.

Now I just have headache, terrible headache.
It feels like my brain is going to explode.
So mutch noise , so mutch impressions.
It's just too mutch!

zondag 18 september 2011

Hell inside

It feels like hell, these things.
They can't be an accident.

All I'm is scared, she's messing with my head.
Ofcourse I'm also mad, but I'm pretty scared to
Find out where she's capable off.
If this is only the start

I can't stand him if he's aggressive.
I hate it when he screams that he's gonne kill someone.
It makes me afraid for our future.

But she can't win!
I won't be so easy to break.

AAAAAAAAAH if aggresion was my thing,
I would have slam her in the face.

woensdag 14 september 2011


When he starts talking about living together.
I just wonder:
Do I have to stop using drugs?
Do I have to spend less?
What if I can't party anymore?

Is life without partying possible?

I love my life at the moment.
Nah love might be a big word.
I just don't know how life is without
All the partying.

What if it's empty?

Now I have to chose:
Serious living together?
Serious party life?

maandag 12 september 2011


What if you and I were never ment to be.
If this love isn't a beautiful story.
What if everything I ever believed in is a lie?

Sometimes I wish this was all a nightmare, but
it isn't. This is my life.
It's disgusting, i'm surrounded by psychopath.
Mabey I am one myself.

It's just not fair, I worked so hard to make myself
a save place to live. Queen of the losers.
Now I get played by my king.
I think he just lost it.

All the fights, it's his fault. This is all his fault!


I'm at school, in a classroom.
But the teacher doesn't give a damn.

Today I'm mad!
I'm just so done with all the lies.
People tell me things, they say it's confedent.
But it's just confedent, but it's all a lie.
Everything he told me as a friend is a lie!

How can he lie to me like that?

zaterdag 10 september 2011


What if your friend fight all the time.
Backstabbing eatchother and me.
Are they real friends?

Tonight I'm going to a party where I know no one.
Just the B'day boy.
I'm just going to find new friends.
Just soooo done with my "old" ones.

I just need real friends, honest and nice ones.

donderdag 8 september 2011


Words with a B:
Building B

It's 8.10 in the morning.
Today I feel like lying in bed, but I'm at school.
I really need to stay awake!
Almost fell asleep in the bus.

I'm that skinny, pale girl with the orange hair.


"You don't need that mutch food"
Do you hear that, that is the voise in my head.
It's the disase no one knows about.

"Your not that skinny"
"Lunch is for failers"
"You won't pass out, because you don't eat"
"Food is disgusting"
"Eating is a waist of time"

When I think about it, I haven't had lunch in like
8 weeks or mabey more.
Mabey I am sick, mabey I'm just crazy.

I'm beautiful in my way, cause god makes no mistakes.
I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way!

dinsdag 6 september 2011


If this is what I want, is that worth the price.
I'm doing such a good job. I feel like a leader. 
Not to forget that I'm a born leader. Of failers!

And I feel like, I will do everything so nobody will 
ever forget me. But what if that's the thing that is
going to bring me down. 

Some days I'm so happy, I feel like I could do 
everything. Like everything like screaming without
being noticed. But after that, I feel like dying. 
Lie down on the ground, and never get up.

I'm going to see....

dinsdag 30 augustus 2011

Because I know

Sometimes you know things you dont wanna know.
Things you discover, things people rather not talk about.

I know it all, i see it all.
How people destroy eachother.
I hate it, it breaks me up.

Why am I the one falling apart?
This isn't even my shit...so why do I feel like this?
I just wanna cry!

I just hate to see everyone fight!

woensdag 24 augustus 2011


I don't have a place to call home anymore.

This house, it's just not my home anymore.
It's cold, it's boring, i just don't want to be there anymore.
My soul screams, you don't belong here.

I just want to leave, and never come back.

maandag 22 augustus 2011


Are you an believer?

I'm stuck inside my head.
Lost I believe.

I just don't know why?
It's so double, misstimed, stupid.
I lie, to everyone even to myself.

I'm to scared to ask myself what I really want.
Cause if I do I might do the wrong thinks.
I could explode, start world war 3.
If I start to think it can only get worse.

Love is killing me...
Now I finaly understand what they mean.


I'm in the heaven of love.
Clouds take my clear thoughts away.

Make it believe, make it true.

I hate it when I always get what I want if it's about love!

vrijdag 19 augustus 2011


My life will never be easy, that's what she said.
I believe her, there will always be people who hate me.
People who are not believers.

And than this boy, still can't believe i fell for him.
Still upset he might be the one. I'm confused.
Upset and feeling alone, cause no one to share.
Cause no one will understand or accept it.
If i do this, i rather kill myself than do it.
Cause if i do it, it would be social suaside.

zaterdag 13 augustus 2011

Hit it

Yesterday I was hitting on the guy I secretly cruch on.
He's awesome, he's just soooooo cute. Can't believe I never saw it before.
I've known him for like 2 years and I've never thought of it. Never looked at him that way. And now I have these imposible feeling.

I'm really bad at ignoring feelings.

donderdag 11 augustus 2011


It's the first thing you think in de morning, and fuck off doesn't count as a thought.

I feel kind of wierd today, unsave you can call it. Paranoid if you don't believe me. There is just something in the air and it's not random stupidness like every day. There is something going on ,a movement.

Have I already told I'm going on a holiday, fun right?
Trust me it is what you call fun.



I'm not a hater, just not that kind of girl.
But that women brings up the worst in me.
Todat I saw her for the first time in real life, she's so arogant so confedent. It made me wanna slam her in the face and just yell at her: WTF do you think your doing here bitch, get out of my town.

I just don't want her here! She needs to leave...

Fun part: I got into a moddeling contest, exiting right?

woensdag 10 augustus 2011


Just found out i've always been into fashion!


You rather give me all your dreams, than love me!

I never had an hero, never been one.
If i had an hero it would be someone like taylor momsen, just because she was so cute as jenny in gossip girl and so rockbitch in real life. Also because i love her music and because it's just gay.


The begin

This is going to be my mobile blog, the one where I post my thought my ideas.
So this is me, I'm 18 living in a world where nobody seen to understand who I am.
I got friends, lot's of them. There just not understanding what i'm searching for in life.
My parents, they don't care. They are way to busy living their life.
And I'm just another screwed up kid. Welcome to my life.